ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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