Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
