i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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