if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
