so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
