im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize