i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
