I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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