She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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