are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
