the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
