my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
