Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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