ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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