I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
