everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
