Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
