Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
