Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize