You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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