The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
