"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
