She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
