the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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