he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
