come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When are your genitals available?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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