cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
