She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
