We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
