The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize