Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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