just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
