WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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