The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
