I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
