I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
