I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
