If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
