I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize