I hate all girls vehemently.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
