In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
