I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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