I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
