I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize