I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
