I wanna passion pit in your ass
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
