i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she peed on how many people?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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