You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hippo gnu deer
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize