I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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