that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
