it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
