The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
