Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you made out with another girl for some wings
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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