I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
