Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
