Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
