Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont even know how to be here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
