Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
