so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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