btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
