Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
