i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
