I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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