I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
