Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
