You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
