she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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