I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
