what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
