i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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