I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
