Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
