i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
