Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
